Can’t We Talk About Something More PLEASANT? by Roz Chast
This book highlights the events surrounding the last years of life of Roz Chast’s parents. It’s written in graphic novel format, using the same style as the Roz Chast cartoons you’ll find in The New Yorker magazine. And, while there is humor in this book, it’s also quite depressing.
It’s amazing to me how universal the process of dying is. In my lifetime I’ve lived through the aging and death of my father, 2 aunts, and a great aunt and have witnessed the aging and debilitating conditions of other family members. While reading this book I would often remember one relative or another going through similar experiences that Ms. Chast’s parents experienced. While no one relative experienced it all, collectively, among all the relatives I’ve witnessed age and die, I could point to various scenarios in this book and think about a similar experience in the life of me or my relatives.
I could totally relate to Ms. Chast and her apprehension at visiting her father in the nursing home. I could also relate to her saying that even though her dad made her “bats”, in the end, that’s not what mattered. She also said that she still dreams of her father. I do too. Although, unlike Ms. Chast, my dreams don’t always put me at peace nor is my father at peace sometimes in my dreams. Sometimes I get the feeling of dread knowing what’s coming, thinking that I’ll have to go through the caregiving experience again. Once I wake up I realize that my father is dead and no, I don’t have to go through that again. What’s past is past, thankfully.
Interestingly enough, soon after my father died, he appeared to me in a dream glowing. He told me: “Hold His hand and test the waters.” An odd thing for my father to say but clearly referencing Matthew 14 where Peter walks on water as long as he keeps his focus on Jesus.
28 Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” 32 After they got into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, “Truly, you are the Son of God.” — New American Bible Revised Edition (NABRE), Matthew 14:28-33.
My father’s last words to me were: “Have a good time!” What he meant was: “I’m dying. You can now live your life. You no longer have to put your life on hold to take care of me.”
From time to time I try to remember my father’s “hold His hand” commandment when I get to a point of retreating into myself and my anxiety starts to take over and overwhelms me. God has a plan for me and all I have to do is “hold His hand and test the waters.”
(For those of you who don’t speak Polish, the translated title of this post is “There’s nothing pleasant about old age!” A phrase my father and one of his sisters would repeat often, in Polish, as they got older.)
Walking the Pathways... 